Title: A Whisper to a Scream, part three
Author: Judith Medina
Email: odogoddess@aol.com
Size: 15K
Rating: R
Codes: A, F; C/T
Teaser: Set just after Faces, B'Elanna is set on enjoying her new-found -
though short-lived - 'humanity'.

That Annoying Author's Note You Can Ignore:  Okay!  I penned this fanfic
and it was zine-published first season, just after the episode "Faces", so
it's a tad dated, but (hopefully) still interesting.  It came about as a
response to subtle clues in the complex relationship Torres and Chakotay
seemed to have early on; a teasing one of complete understanding and
complete respect for each others strengths...and weaknesses.  There was
also a foreshadowing of the attraction B'Elanna is shown to have for him,
which she has since transferred to a man, IMO, more in keeping with her
fiery temper and background:  Tom Paris.  And I feel the P/T relationship
stands a good chance at the long haul.  But this story was written first
season... remember? <g>

DISCLAIMER:  This non-profit material was produced out of love for Star
Trek: Voyager and is not intended to infringe upon the Star Trek copyrights
of Viacom, Paramount Pictures Corporation, nor those of any other legal
holders of Star Trek copyrights, in this or any other universe...

        ----------------------------------
A Whisper To A Scream
by Judith Medina (OdoGoddess@aol.com)


"As I told the Commander, the doctor has impressed upon me the 
significance of remaining discreet, Lieutenant." Kes said gently, noting 
the woman's discomfiture and frightened appearance in one glance.

The entirely Human-looking B'Elanna Torres sat huddled at the edge of 
the rumpled bed, the Sickbay robe wrapped tightly around her slender 
form as if warding off a chill. However the room was of a comfortable 
temperature and Kes could sense the shame and the echoes of fright which 
B'Elanna had experienced earlier, so now she sat carefully beside her 
and touched her arm gently. "I don't judge. I won't. Just tell me: what 
is wrong?"

B'Elanna hesitated, then pulled back the bedspread and pointed out a 
drying stain. Kes' blue eyes looked into B'Elanna's dark ones with 
curiosity, then she waved her medical tricorder over the area. "Blood, 
type O-negative."

B'Elanna finally admitted, "I'm still bleeding. A little. It started 
right after I...after I had sex." She shrugged and added, "It's never 
happened before. It...scared me a little."

Kes' face showed comprehension and she carefully ran the tricorder over 
B'Elanna's pelvis and groin. She studied the results and nodded, saying 
in a clinical fashion, "You experienced a slight tearing of the hymenal 
membrane. A happenstance which occasionally ensues during a Human 
female's initial sexual intercourse."

She got up and opened the small medical kit she brought with her. "I 
will need to perform an internal exam, but this can be accomplished with 
a small med-probe. Are you in pain or can you lay back?"

B'Elanna stared at Kes for several moments before she finally found her 
voice. "Kes...I've had sex before. Why did it happen this time?"

Kes frowned slightly, "If I understand the Doctor's evaluation of you 
after your return to the ship, the Vidiian's removed your constituent 
Klingon DNA and reconstituted you without them."

"Yeah," B'Elanna nodded.

"You are, in essence, a new woman, B'Elanna. You were physically a 
virgin during this sexual encounter, despite the fact that your memories 
are those of a sexually experienced woman," Kes explained, then asked, 
"Did you not bleed during your first sexual encounter before this?"

She frowned. "I don't remember. I was...had been...drinking. But I had 
expected to be bruised and bleeding after the first time, when I 
was...the way I was before. My mother so much as told me to maybe even 
expect a broken bone. She told me a Klingon female could break one or 
have one broken and wouldn't feel it until after. Of course, I didn't, 
but her warning pretty much scared me away from the experience for the 
longest time. That's why I, uh, drank so much. I was a little afraid of 
getting hurt...or hurting my partner."

_Good grief, are Klingons animal?_ The same thought had occurred to her 
when her mother had spoken to her and it resonated in her mind now. Were 
Klingons animals? There was violence even in so fundamental an aspect of 
life for a Klingon and B'Elanna hated violence. Yet you seem to seek it 
out. Or maybe it just finds you.

_You can't escape your heritage, child ._

Her eyes filled with tears now, as her mother's words echoed in her 
mind, and just as it had back when she'd been a burgeoning young woman, 
fear and shame nipped at her defenses.

Kes' deeply compassionate nature took over as she noted her patients 
discomfiture and she sat beside B'Elanna. She laid a warm hand on her 
shoulder. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, B'Elanna. Many species exhibit 
uncontrollable behaviors during their reproductive cycles or during 
rutting. It's perfectly natural and doesn't mean there's anything wrong 
with you."

"But...I'm not just Klingon. I'm Human, too." The woman whispered 
brokenly, then lamented, "Why can't I just be one or the other? Now that 
I'm just one, why can't I stay?" 

Having voiced her thus-far unexpressed disappointment, B'Elanna Torres 
fell against a pillow and allowed her tears to pour forth. They had been 
threatening to fall since Chakotay had first noted the alarming bloody 
dampness of the sheets. The stress and embarrassment of the situation 
had finally won out.

Kes wisely allowed the trembling woman to cry without pause, merely 
patting her back occasionally and waiting in silent commiseration for 
the deluge to show signs of ending.

        =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay." 

B'Elanna's voice was small, quite unlike her normal one and for a 
moment, Chakotay thought he'd merely imagined he heard her until he 
looked up from their mostly untouched meal to her drawn face beside him.

He reached across and stroked her cheek and she leaned into his touch. 
_You fool, she's been needing you and you've pulled away like a 
frightened boy._ Without thinking, he moved closer and gathered her in 
his arms.

"It's alright, Relampaga, I'm not upset. I was mad at myself for not 
being careful enough," he admitted softly, kissing her hair.

She pulled back from him, shaking her head. "You didn't do anything 
wrong at all, Chakotay. It was...it happens sometimes to women." Then 
she appended with a small shrug, "Human women anyway. I guess I'll go 
back to not having a category, won't I?"

Chakotay's eyes were warm and he shook his head. "You're in a class all 
by yourself, B'Elanna Torres. And Human or Klingon, I would find you 
hard to resist."

Her head dropped at this and to his delight, a blush colored her cheeks. 
He had never before seen this woman blush and he privately doubted it 
would be possible again, once the Doctor completed reconstituting her 
genetic makeup. He took her hand in his and gently squeezed.

He sighed. "B'Elanna, I wish..."

She blinked and looked at him guilelessly. "What?"

"I wish you could have what you wanted. Not for me or anyone, but for 
you, because it would make you happy. But I think that before all this, 
you were the most interesting and spontaneous and spirited woman I had 
ever met." His eyes grew warmer still as he held her hand with his own 
and the truth in them was undeniable as he concluded, "Or ever will."

        =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=

"So you repaired a small perforation in her vaginal wall?" The Doctor's 
face was impassive as he questioned his student, notating his personnel 
files as he did.

"Yes. I used the probe's cautery. The perforation was less than a 
centimeter in length and the edges were smooth. I deemed it did not 
require a more exhaustive or time-intensive technique." Kes said, 
explaining, "The patient was discomfited with the procedure and I had 
already ascertained the blood flow had effectively kept the wound from 
contamination. There was no need to prolong the experience for her, nor 
to employ the use of further equipment."

The Doctor nodded, pleased. "Just so. You have an admirable grasp of 
patient sensitivity, Kes." For not the first time, the Doctor found 
himself wishing the young woman would live longer than the decade which 
her physiology provided. And that he would not at the end of her life-
span find himself as the sole Doctor aboard the ship. He wondered 
briefly if he should, perhaps, broach the Captain about obtaining 
another volunteer to learn emergency medicine, then considered her 
previous choice of medical assistant and pursed his lips. 

_Perhaps, if this ship is still lost in five years time, and Kes begins 
showing evidence of elderly frailty, I will speak with the Captain about 
this issue._ He made a mental note to discuss it with her in exactly 
five years from the current Stardate, then returned his attention to the 
situation at hand.

"The Klingon DNA should finish replicating this afternoon. Did 
Lieutenant Torres indicate when she was going to report?"

Kes smiled, "I think she'll take as long as she's able. She isn't 
exactly looking forward to returning to the way she was."

The Doctor frowned, wondering why Kes would make such an assessment when 
he himself had not noted this attitude in the Lieutenant. _She had,_ he 
thought, _seemed a bit surprised when I indicated I needed to return the 
Klingon DNA to her genetic structure, but little else. She did not cry 
out, storm out of Sickbay or emphatically refuse._

"What makes you say that, Kes?" he asked now, curious as to what the 
Ocampa woman read into the situation.

Kes merely smiled now. "B'Elanna told me."

"Ah." The Doctor nearly sighed, then turned back to his perusal of the 
tissue replicator's data-stream, feeling the odd sensation he'd just 
experienced being analyzed by his logic circuitry. After a moment, it 
diagnosed the feeling: disappointment.

_Why should I be disappointed that the crew feels more able to discuss 
things with my authentic humanoid assistant rather than myself? After 
all, I'm merely a hologram,_ he reminded himself unnecessarily. Unknown 
to him, a peevish expression had wavered momentarily across his face 
before being relegated to a well-hidden ancillary reaction file without 
his knowledge, as his creator had designed it to do.

Unbeknownst to the Doctor, his creator had taken great pride at having 
contributed in the construction of the new starship Voyager and despite 
(or maybe because of) the fact that no one ever saw his contributions to 
it and several other smaller fleet vessels he had also equipped with 
Emergency Medical Programs, he had spent many spare hours fiddling with 
his simulation of a doctor, imbuing it with various expressions and what 
he had thought of as  quirks  into its programming.

If his program was ever employed, Holographic Engineer Lewis Zimmerman 
wanted to receive some form of recognition of his technical expertise, 
even if it was negative in nature. Nothing like someone acknowledging 
your work, he had thought at the time.

The Doctor was not aware of any of this background about himself. He 
merely felt a vague dissatisfaction which grew as Kes placed a warm hand 
on his arm, making him look up into her incredibly limpid, blue eyes as 
she said, "Don't be so hard on yourself, Doctor. You have the weight of 
the well-being of the entire crew on your shoulders. I think some of the 
crew sense this and so, they tend to speak to me rather than waste your 
valuable time."

For a sharp and poignant moment, the Doctor remembered his brief 
excursion to the holodeck and the desire he had seen expressed in the 
eyes of a fellow hologram. A hologram which had faithfully executed it's 
creator's envisioning and died to save him, never realizing her own 
holographic nature. 

_Ah, what bliss you lived in, Freya,_ he sighed. _You had no idea you 
lived and died a hologram, probably reanimated anew whenever that young 
Ensign Harry Kim gets it in mind to utilize his program. The way I am 
when someone needs to utilize mine. Except that I don't forget what went 
before. I can't, not and still perform my job._

Again, without his awareness, a dark scowl crossed his face, then 
cleared into the nether regions of that hidden ancillary reaction file. 
Instead, after this rather lengthy, four millisecond introspection he'd 
allowed himself, the Doctor merely leveled an even look at his 
assistant, saying, "I see you have also learned the intricacies involved 
in...finessing...your patient."

"Doctor." Kes voice held disapproval and he found himself regretting his 
cynical tone. _What is happening to me? Is this truly what Zimmerman 
intended when he designed my program? Why do I have so many unnecessary 
thoughts? So many unresolved or unresolvable issues?_ He avoided using 
the term  feelings, since it was quite ludicrous to think a hologram was 
capable of such complex functions, even one so application-driven as he.

Still, there were those moments; he pondered in the two point one five 
milliseconds which followed this introspection; which begged for 
resolution, demanded explication.

_If I ever do return with this ship, and if Zimmerman is alive, I will 
demand an accounting,_ he decided. With customary brisk efficiency, he 
relegated this notation to his personal file, along with the one to 
speak to the Captain in five years regarding training another person as 
a medical assistant. Then he looked up at Kes.

"I take it you wish to witness the tissue infusion, Kes?"

To his unexpressed pleasure, Kes smiled broadly, a beatific expression 
that elevated her already surreal beauty into a new and virtuous realm, 
thrilling him down to his unsuspected depths as she replied, "I always 
enjoy watching you work, Doctor."

        =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=

2B cont'd