Title: A Whisper to a Scream, part two
Author: Judith Medina
Email: odogoddess@aol.com
Size: 18K
Rating: R
Codes: A, F; C/T
Teaser: Set just after Faces, B'Elanna is set on enjoying her new-found -
though short-lived - 'humanity'.

That Annoying Author's Note You Can Ignore:  Okay!  I penned this fanfic
and it was zine-published first season, just after the episode "Faces", so
it's a tad dated, but (hopefully) still interesting.  It came about as a
response to subtle clues in the complex relationship Torres and Chakotay
seemed to have early on; a teasing one of complete understanding and
complete respect for each others strengths...and weaknesses.  There was
also a foreshadowing of the attraction B'Elanna is shown to have for him,
which she has since transferred to a man, IMO, more in keeping with her
fiery temper and background:  Tom Paris.  And I feel the P/T relationship
stands a good chance at the long haul.  But this story was written first
season... remember? <g>

DISCLAIMER:  This non-profit material was produced out of love for Star
Trek: Voyager and is not intended to infringe upon the Star Trek copyrights
of Viacom, Paramount Pictures Corporation, nor those of any other legal
holders of Star Trek copyrights, in this or any other universe...

        ----------------------------------
A Whisper To A Scream
by Judith Medina (OdoGoddess@aol.com)


"I'm not sure I follow." Chakotay's voice was quiet and reasonable, with
no hint of disapproval, for which B'Elanna was grateful.

She was also aware of the time passing which could never be reexperienced.
Desperation tinged her voice as she suddenly turned away from him and
whispered, "Don't you understand? I want you to make love to me!"

A sob escaped at the end of this declaration and she stifled the desire to
weep by holding her breath and closing her eyes, her hands clasping her
elbows, hugging herself as she faced away from this man who was the only
one on the ship, indeed in either the Delta or Alpha Quadrant of whom she
would have made such a request. Or would have wanted to.

She was so wound up in trying to figure out how to express herself better
that she didn't feel the warm hands on her shoulders until they gently
squeezed, then urged her to turn around. B'Elanna did, burying her face
against Chakotay's warm, broad chest and allowed the tears she'd been
fighting to fall.

"Relampaga..." He murmured, the rumble of his voice as comforting as its
loving tone. His strong arms held her against him, soothing away the fear
and the shame that made her tremble.

B'Elanna sighed now, content just to be in his arms, although she sought
and still hoped for more. She pulled back now to look at him.

"I need you to understand, I'm not asking you for a permanent arrangement,
Chakotay. I'm not even asking for..." Her voice faltered and she changed
tack, "What I... what I'm asking I won't be able to ever ask you again. And
there's no one else I want to ask. I think you understand me better than
anyone on this ship. Maybe I kid myself thinking that I understand you--"

"Stop, B'Elanna." His voice was gentle, but firm and he urged her to come
sit beside him on her couch, side by side, not letting go of her hand. He
smiled gently now, no hint of anger or disapproval or, worse, amusement, in
his dark brown eyes.

"According to the doctor, this process will take about eight days or so
and will probably be painful.  Painful, but necessary  was how he described
it. I don't care about that, but...for the next three days, until the
re-coding procedure starts to take effect, I'm going to be Human, looking
like this." She stopped talking to touch her forehead, then looked back
into his eyes, her own filled with so much need that Chakotay found his
body responding, much as it had earlier.

He swallowed and nodded. "I understand." He reached out and gently touched
the oddly smooth forehead, which on B'Elanna, seemed alien to him. Alien,
but still incredibly lovely. He added with certainty, "You want to
experience love-making, as a Human. Only a Human. Like you won't be again,
very soon."

Chakotay knew his phrasing was not eloquent, but between B'Elanna and him,
eloquence was not a significant factor. What mattered was they understood
one another. Or at least, he felt they did and maybe *that* was what was
significant.

B'Elanna nodded, the rush of relief passing through her so great that she
found herself nearly bursting into tears again. Instead she smiled and
nodded and said, "I'm so glad you understand."

Suddenly her smile died and she pulled her hand free of his, her eyes
turning away from him, apprehensive. "Gods, what a calculating bitch I must
sound like!" She turned back to him, said with fierce sincerity, "I'm so
sorry, Chakotay! I didn't realize what--"

The touch of his hands on her lips shushed her and she looked up to find
him moving closer, his fingers now tracing her face gently. He shook his
head. "Don't be sorry, Relampaga. I'm honored you would think of me. It's
been a long time. What we had once is a memory I still treasure."

She looked up at him, then extended her own hand up to his face, traced
the lines of the tattoo on his temple, then stroked his thick, cropped hair,
enjoying the way it felt against her fingers. He nodded assent.

"Go on." His voice was a deep, husky whisper, giving her permission to
continue the exploration she had begun.

Without further fanfare, she slid closer to him, cupped his face, feeling
its texture beneath her fingertips. He tilted his head apologetically. 

"I haven't shaved since yesterday."

B'Elanna could feel the tingle of bristle which started at his jawline,
angled along his cheek. She found her fingers smoothing over his thick,
sensuous lips. Chakotay didn't move, allowing her to learn his face, let
his body respond as it would to the unfamiliar sensation of her now smooth,
uncalloused fingers. Previously, her fingers had been persistently
calloused, roughened by work and her Klingon physiology.

He recalled now the last time they'd had a tryst. 'Making love' was not
the term that entered his mind when he thought of it. It had been
passionate, thunderous and unmercifully brief. It had, he recalled, left
him throbbing with unrelieved tension, as well as several painful bruises,
yet desirous of more.

This current tenderness was as opposite an expression of physical desire
as one could get. She leaned closer to him, and then gently touched her
lips to his, less than a kiss, but far more than a caress; it was almost as
if she was trying to decide how it felt. She kissed him with more force, no
urgency, merely a testing, tasting gesture which made him close his eyes,
much as her own had.

Her fingers continued their exploration as their lips merged and
re-merged, one caressing his broad chest, the other slipping lower across
his abdomen, causing his stomach muscles to flutter. She smiled against his
mouth and he felt that hand drift lower. He closed his eyes tighter,
holding back the desire to pull her into his arms and re-experience her as
he had the last time. It was not, he knew, what she wanted or needed now.

Then she pulled back. He looked at her with curiosity. "B'Elanna?"

Again, she graced him with the shy, tentative smile of before, then she
shrugged, gestured with her chin. Her voice was low. "Should we...?"

He briefly looked to the indicated bedroom, then back to B'Elanna. After a
moment of reflection, he nodded.

Standing with care, he extended his hand to her, aware that his desire was
now in blatant evidence, further aware that it was precisely what this
woman wanted, a happenstance he had little experience with; between his
desire to excel, his hard-driven career goals in Starfleet, his conversion
to the Maquis, then a hard-scrabble existence which was one long fight to
survive and to keep those under him alive, his past goals all conspired to
leave him few opportunities in this area of life.

_How long, Chakotay, since you've been with a woman? Any woman? And how
long until the next time?_ He smiled at her now, shutting these thoughts away.

It had rarely given him pause, during his moments of reflection, that
other men such as Paris were considered masters of matters sexual. His own
personal code required that women, all women, be treated with greater
respect than mere receptacles for the sowing of seed. Chakotay truly valued
women and their contribution to society. Much as men had their innate
attributes, women, to Chakotay's way of thinking, made life bearable.

Thus, while he had not often availed himself of sex and never simply to
experience it as some men did, he was confident that any possible lack of
expertise was more than made up for by his genuine respect and earnest
entreaty for the woman to tell him, show him what pleased her best.

To his delight, every single woman he'd ever given himself to, had been
different. And every one had found his attitude refreshing and sexually
provocative. And everyone of his past partners was still a friend,
something he doubted a man like Paris could boast. Even Seska...

The traitorous Seska had still held him in enough esteem to allow him to
pinpoint her as a saboteur aboard Voyager. And she was a Cardassian!

_Slept with the enemy..._ A brief shudder ran through him as the thought
entered his mind unbidden. B'Elanna stopped her careful removal of his
jacket and waited.

Chakotay realized she thought she'd hurt him somehow with her action and
he shrugged the jacket off, turning to her. The thin robe was all she wore
and he allowed her to keep it on, but he unfastened the gathers of it and
let it hang open, smiling at her with unspoken desire. Then he sat and
kicked off his boots and gestured for her to come to him. He let her finish
undressing him, as he could see the curiosity, the longing in her eyes that
spoke more eloquently than words. It was as if, he thought, it was their
first time.

It was, he realised now. He had never made love to this Human woman. And
this Human woman had never made love to him. Or to anyone. It would be as
if it were her first time, he thought warmly, the warmth mixing with the
fiery desire which was building within his veins and surging to his loins
to harden him to a fiercely demanding ache that craved his joining with
this woman, to finally become one with her, as she finished undressing him.

She carefully slipped off his uniform trousers and uncovered the aching
evidence of his desire and he took her hands in his lest he lose himself in
the excruciating need he felt. A look in her eyes told him that she also
felt the same. He let her hands go to gently slide the robe off her smooth,
shoulders.

He marveled at the warm, soft and silky skin beneath his hands. The woman
she'd been before (and would be again) had vestiges of additional
ultra-dense muscle layers along her shoulders, her chest and spine, part of
the armor that made Klingons seemingly impervious to mere blows. Even
during love-play.

He skimmed a hand down her arm, burying his face in her shoulder and the
hollow of her neck and smelling deeply. An intensely warm and Human smell
greeted him. It was different. A different woman. _A woman I've never been
with before,_ he sighed, then lost himself to the slow press of flesh
against his own as he lay down with her, concentrating on her response in
order to fully pleasure this beautiful woman.

"Beautiful woman..." Chakotay murmured against her breast.

To his befuddlement, B'Elanna stiffened, and he stopped. "Did I hurt you?"
He whispered regretfully, uncertainly.

She didn't immediately answer and he pulled up to cup one side of her face
with his hand and ask her, "What is it, B'Elanna?" adding pointedly, "You
can tell me if I hurt you."

She swallowed and he noted the tears brimming on her lashes. Frowning
slightly, he moved up further and brushed them free, then kissed her eyes,
her cheeks. 

By this time, tears were streaming from her eyes, so he moved aside and
gathered her to him, letting her cry against his shoulder, ignoring the
unrelieved throbbing of his body, as he whispered, "I'm sorry, B'Elanna,
for whatever I did." 

She nodded, didn't respond and finally he was constrained to gently tilt
her head to meet his gaze and asked, "Can you tell me what I did?"

Her voice was a raspy husk of sound, barely audible despite his closeness.
Her head dropped against his shoulder before she spoke. "No one's ever said
that before. And... and the last time you and I did this... you didn't say
anything at all to me, Chakotay."

He considered this, thought back over recent events and then hugged her
tight to him. "When I called you a beautiful woman, B'Elanna, that wasn't
an indication that I felt any differently for you then. If you remember,
when we...had sex...last, it didn't leave much time for exchanging words or
much of anything. It wasn't even making love. It was quick, almost brutal,
and I was afraid of hurting you...or you hurting me."

B'Elanna held onto him for a few moments, then looked up at him. She'd
stopped crying and now she smiled wistfully. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I told
Paris on the planet that I think this processing the Vidiian's did to me
did more than just extract my Klingon DNA. It feels like it took some of my
common sense and my...shielding from me."

"Along with the armor?" Chakotay teased, running his hands along her
smooth shoulders. As he intended, B'Elanna relaxed and smiled.

"Along with the armor." 

He caressed her again and hugged her briefly, tightly. "Don't worry. I
apologize for speaking without thinking. But then," He kissed her forehead,
"You have the tendency to make me do that, Klingon or Human or both."

B'Elanna smiled at this and they kissed, then he added, "And you are a
very beautiful woman in either of your incarnations, Relampaga. Don't ever
forget that."

She nodded, then touched his face with one hand, the other gently stroking
him back to the fierce rigidity of before. He groaned now and buried his
face against her as he took her in his arms and allowed his body to learn
hers in its entirety. Neither of them said anything more as desire swept
over them in warm, pulsating waves which they allowed to carry them along.

The only sound aside from his breathing, which slowly grew harsher with
his urgency, was a single uttered gasp which was unexpectedly wrenched from
her when he eased his way within her. For several moments he held still,
allowing her to set the tempo.

After this brief interlude, she urged him onward and he slowly recommenced
his climb, striving to take her with him to the summit of passion. Another
sharp gasp suddenly sounded against his ear, but before he could ascertain
if he'd hurt her in some way, he felt her convulse around him and lost
himself utterly.

Trembling in his seemingly endless release, he heard her series of
accompanying gasps of breath against his ear and felt the inner
contractions that signalled her own release, and he spent himself within
her, profoundly glad she'd found some of what she had sought.

It wasn't until several moments later, that they discovered she was bleeding.

        =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=

Chakotay's voice was even and calm, and he forced himself to walk with
deliberate precision as he led the Ocampan medic to B'Elanna's quarters. "I
really appreciate this, Kes." 

He had no desire to create any rumors aboard the too-small ship by
communicating the urgency he was feeling to the crew members which they
passed. For her part, Kes merely nodded at his statement and matched his
steady, unhurried steps.

"The doctor has impressed upon me the importance of being available to the
crew as well as the significance of remaining discreet, Commander," she
informed him.

They reached the door and Chakotay seemed reluctant to continue. Finally,
Kes turned to him and suggested, "Perhaps you could wait in the main room
while I examine the Lieutenant."

Chakotay nodded gratefully and, activating the door mechanism, they
entered. He stepped to the replicator across the room, studiously ignoring
Kes' heading for the bedroom area. He ordered a very hot cup of cinnamon
tea, something which braced him when he felt the need, and sat with it at
the small dining table, watching the steam rising from the cup.

        =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=  *  *  *  =/\=

2B cont'd