Title: There Is No Pain
Author: Dave Rogers
Email: daverogers@geocities.com
Size: 3K
Code: Introspective; 7
Rating: PG
Summary: Seven of Nine reflects on a fateful decision.

Disclaimer: Seven of Nine is an adjunct of the Paramount collective.
This story is the product of my distinctiveness.



THERE IS NO PAIN

In the Collective, there is no pain. This thought has preoccupied me 
for many days, impairing my efficiency and detracting from my 
perfection.

Before Captain Janeway assimilated me into her collective of 
individuals, there was no "I", no identity, no individualism. There 
was a memory of a human child, Anneka Hanson; of seven years of 
strange but happy life, of a moment's fear, of acceptance and of 
oblivion. There was the perfection of the great group mind of many 
billions of units, the accumulated knowledge of nine thousand, five 
hundred and seventy-two species, the enhancement of the Collective 
and the comfort of permanent togetherness, but there was no change, 
no growth, no challenge.

As an individual, I have experienced many emotions. I have known fear, 
relief, anger, remorse, amusement and companionship. I have experienced 
kindness from friends, and the satisfaction of performing acts of 
kindness myself. I have begun to understand why the Collective is not 
right for these individuals, with their hopes and dreams and ambitions 
which are so uniquely a part of their distinctiveness. I have learned, 
after all, to value their individuality, and with it, my own.

But is it enough? I retain my memories of when there was no word, no 
concept, with the meaning "alone"; of when there was no uncertainty, 
confusion or inefficiency; of when I felt no pain, for there was no "I" 
to feel it.

Some day, Captain Janeway will make good her promise to me, and allow 
me the freedom to make my final choice between individuality and the 
Collective. I do not wish to lose what I have gained on Voyager, and 
all that I have gained is a part of my individuality. If I choose the 
Collective, all I have gained will be lost. But in my darkest moments, 
when I am alone, afraid and uncertain, there is one memory of the 
Collective that draws me back.

There is no pain.


-- 
daverogers@geocities.com
rational romantic mystic cynical idealist