Title: Phoenix Rising: Ashes 1/2
Author: Jessica
E-mail Address: Jessa5@aol.com
Size: 22K
Category: A, U; K/T, slight P/T and K/f
Rating: PG
Teaser: On a Voyager that is run by the children of the original crew, where
protocol is disregarded and a 22-year-old can be a commander, Harry Kim
has settled into life as a Captain.  And though it seems to his impressionable
crew that his life is complete, there is a deep sadness that lurks inside . . 

See Fall part one for disclaimers

PART TWO: Ashes

Harry woke up in his quarters, disoriented.  He was on Voyager -- Voyager was
safe?  No, no, this was the past.  But why did his bed feel so odd?  Sitting
up, Harry looked sbout his quarters.  There was something . . . these were not
his quarters.  Not the captain's quarters.  What had happened?

He made his way to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. 
Something was off, he couldn't quite-

"My god," Harry muttered as he saw himself in the mirror.  The lines on his
face were gone, the grey streaks in his hair were gone, the scars on his chest
were gone.  This was not a few days in the past -- this was decades in the
past!  That meant . . . that meant that B'Elanna might still be alive.  That .
. . 

His train of thought was interrupted by the doorchime.  Who- Oh, that would be
Tom, wouldn't it?  "Just a minute,"  he called, dressing quickly.  Only one
rank pip on his collar . . . huh.  Ensign Kim once again.  He opened his door
to find Tom impatiently standing outside and tapping his foot.

"What took you so long?  Better eat fast, or we'll be late."

"Sorry, Tom," he replied, forcing a smile.  Seeing Tom alive and well was
certainly a shock.  He realized that he was the focus of the taller man's
gaze.  "What?"

"Um, your hair . . . " Tom mumbled.  Harry quirked one eyebrow -- his hair? 
What was wrong with it?  It had looked just fine in the mirror, so-  Oh!  He'd
used to gel his hair, hadn't he?  Harry chuckled.

"I decided that I like it this way," he responded with a shrug as they entered
the turbolift.  Jenny and Megan Delaney were already in the lift, and they
smiled as Tom and Harry walked in.

"I like your hair like that, Harry," oozed Jenny.  He smiled politely in 
return.  It
was odd to have Jenny making such comments to him, after so many years with
Megan . . . 

The turbolift reached the deck, and they entered the mess hall.  Harry's eyes
quickly scanned the room, and his mind froze as he saw her.  She was smiling,
waving them to her table, bright and happy and-

"Harry!  Earth to Harry!"

"Huh?"  Tom was waving a hand in front of his face, and B'Elanna was looking
at him strangely.  He realized that while he'd been distracted by her, he'd
managed to get a tray of food and sit down at the table.  "I'm sorry, I was
thinking . . . "

"About what?  It's not Seven again, is it?"  That was from B'Elanna -- he
recalled that she'd always teased him about Seven.  He shook his head and
forced a smile, satisfying them, though he was still half numb from the shock
of seeing her alive and well.  The next thought that pushed into his head was
anger as he saw the way Tom and she were gazingly lovingly at each other. 
Instinctively, he suppressed the feeling, reminding himself that this was a
point in time when she was involved with Tom.  In fact, this was very likely
not long before her death occurred . . .

"I'd better get up to the Bridge," Harry muttered, excusing himself and hoping
that B'Elanna was in engineering for this shift so that he'd be able to 
think. 
Tom and B'Elanna gave him odd glances as he left, and he could have sworn he
heard someone saying, "What's with *him* today?" as he left.

***

As soon as Harry reached his console, he'd checked the stardate. 
Unsurprisingly, he discovered that it was indeed the very day of B'Elanna's
death.  He could stop it -- save her, protect her -- and then . . . And then
what?  Did it even matter?  What mattered was that she lived, wasn't it?  The
aliens had sent him back to this time for a reason, what other reason was
there to be here other than to save B'Elanna?  Maybe by saving her, Voyager
would be saved . . . 

There was no question in Harry's mind that he was there for her, to protect
her.  The only question was how?  Could he stop her from going on the away
mission?  Could he take Tom's place with her and sacrifice himself for her?  

Halfway through his shift, a senior staff meeting was called.  Harry entered
the room and headed for his usual chair, but had to alter his course as he
realized that Captain Janeway was sitting there.  Although he had respected
her greatly while under her command, and assumed that she might have made a
decent Alpha Quadrant captain, through the years Harry had begun to resent
Janeway.  So many problems would have been avoided if Voyager had been under
better command . . . they would have been home years ago.  Maybe there had
been another solution to the dilemma with the Array when they had first come
to the Delta Quadrant -- maybe they didn't need to destroy it.  They might
have gone home immediately.  However, through Janeway's incompetency, the crew
had grown close together.  If not for their years in space, Harry would never
have come to know B'Elanna.  Or Michael.  Or Janice.  Or Naomi.  He never
would have been Captain of Voyager; if he had lived his life in the Alpha
Quadrant, he most likely never would have commanded anything at all.  He would
have settled on a space station somewhere with Libby (Libby?  Harry couldn't
believe he could even remember her name).

Harry's life had been created by Captain Janeway's mistakes, and he wouldn't
give it up for anything.  He felt rather guilty for his thoughts that she
should have died earlier.  Though she had tried to show affection for everyone
on the ship, he felt that she hadn't liked him from the start.  He'd been an
Ensign for more years than he cared to count -- as soon as Chakotay had taken
over, he'd been promoted.  What was it about him that Janeway hadn't thought
worthy of acknowledgement?  Thinking back, he almost laughed.  Maybe she'd
been afraid that he'd rise in rank and take over the ship.  Hm.

The staff meeting went smoothly; Harry was thrown a few surprised glances as
he threw out opinions and suggestions to be discussed.  It was almost
offensive that these people considered him to be so innocent -- just because
he was young meant that he didn't know anything about starships?  Ridiculous.

When B'Elanna mentioned mining dilithium on a nearby M-class planet, Harry
stared at her in surprise.  He had been avoiding her gaze through the whole
meeting, trying not to think of her, but mining dilithium -- that was the away
mission she and Tom had gone on where she was killed.

"The planet appears to be uninhabited.  I need to modify the equipment to mine
from the rock, but you'd only need to send one person with me as long as they
know what they're doing."  Captain Janeway nodded.

"Alright, B'Elanna, we need that dilthium.  Who are you taking with you?"

"I'll go," Harry spoke up.  He noticed B'Elanna glancing apologetically at Tom
as Janeway agreed that Harry had the necessary skills.  So *that* was why it
had been those two in particular who had gone.  To have some time alone
together.  Harry refrained from narrowing his eyes and instead put on the
typical optimistic kid face that he knew everyone expected.

***

"So, how are you and Tom?" Harry asked as he and B'Elanna climbed up the side
of the rocky hill to find a suitable mining site.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she retorted defensively.

"It doesn't mean anything.  It was just a question."

"Well, it's none of your business."

"Maybe it's not.  But maybe I just like to know what's going on in my friends'
lives.  Is that such a crime?"  He looked at her warily out of the corner of
his eye, carefully gauging her reaction.

"I . . . What's with you today, Harry?  You've been acting weird since
breakfast."

"Weird?"  He almost laughed.  Oh, this body's just being occupied by the mind
of a Harry Kim from 23 years in the future.  Nothing weird at all.

"Yeah.  You hardly said two words this morning.  And then, at the senior staff
meeting, you sounded like you were ready to take command of the ship."  Old
habits are hard to break, he reflected.

"You're avoiding the subject."

"What subject?"

"You and Tom."

"What about us?"

"Dammit, B'Elanna, stop playing games with me!"  Harry glared at her, his eyes
flashing.  She took an involuntary step backward, surprised by his sudden
outburst.  He sighed and relaxed slightly, taking out the equipment to begin
mining.  Letting his pain and jealousy be twisted into anger was certainly not
going to solve anything; besides, he'd need a clear mind if he wanted to get
her through this mission alive.  "I'm sorry."

"No, no . . . it's okay.  You're right, I'm beating around the bush."  She
paused to take a breath.  "He asked me to marry him last night."  He'd seen
that coming, having read the logs.  Harry tried to keep himself composed as he
responded, though a rush of anger mixed with sadness and regret washed over
his body.

"And?"

"That's it?  That's all you have to say?"

"Did you accept?"

"Of course I did!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I . . . was hoping you'd be a little more . . . excited?"  Harry couldn't
stop the laugh that bubbled out of his lips.

"Excited.  You still don't get it, do you?  Marriage isn't going to save your
relationship.  You're just going to be miserable.  So is he.  Don't you want
better for him, for yourself?"

"What . . . what are you talking about??  I won't be miserable.  What's gotten
into you?  I . . . I love Tom, and I he loves me, and we're getting married."

"B'Elanna.  Before you rush into anything, think it over.  You know it's not
right."

"What -- are you jealous or something?"

"No.  No, I'm not.  Not jealous.  You're my friend -- I want the best for 
you, 
and I know this isn't right.  You have to trust me.  Just promise me you'll 
think 
about it.  Sleep on it before you make up your mind.  Maybe even not thinking 
about it might help; try reading some of your old logs.  Maybe you'll find 
something
interesting in them."

B'Elanna looked thoroughly confused.  "Harry, I d--"  Her phrase was cut off
by a phaser shot that hit the rock between the two of them.  Harry already had
his phaser out, almost as if he'd been expecting an attack.  More shots were
fired, and it became apparent that they were surrounded by tall men in black
uniforms.

"Kim to--"  As he tried to contact Voyager, one of the phaser shots caught his
chest, the impact throwing him back against the wall, where his head cracked
against the rock and he slid to the ground unconscious.

***