Title:  Homeward Bound
Author:  Sr. Mary Kathryn
Email: SrMaryKath@aol.com
Size: 12K
Rating: G
Codes: slight A, F; J, N
Teaser:  Home is where the heart is.

Disclaimers:  In the end no one will care who owned them.


Homeward Bound
By:  Sr. Mary Kathryn

Captain Janeway sat staring out the portal, the PADD with the message she'd
received earlier in the day from home was still in her hand even though she
hadn't looked at it once in the last forty-five minutes.  The chirp of the
ready room door brought her back to attention and she stood up slowly, PADD
still in hand and crossed to her desk before giving permission to enter. 
Janeway noted his smile as he entered.  It wasn't his usual cheerful smile, but
more of an 'I'm here if you need to talk smile,' and that was the last thing
she was in the mood to do right now.  

"Still working on breaking the coded message from Starfleet, Captain?  If
there's any way I can help --- "

"No, Neelix,"  Janeway cut him off.  "I decided to give that battle a rest a
little over an hour ago.  I was thinking about..." she stopped, realizing
immediately the mistake she'd made.  It was easy to make mistakes like this
with Neelix.  He had a way of gaining confidence and trust that had helped her
get through trying times on more than one occasion.  They'd run into each other
on many sleepless nights in the hydoponics bay, and had sat among the tall,
vining plants Kes had started from seeds and clippings only a few years ago,
talking into the wee hours of the morning. Still yet, she made a mental note to
be more careful about letting her guard down.

"Home."  Neelix stated it matter of factly as he sat the tray he carried on her
desk.  That was exactly what everyone aboard Voyager, with the possible
exception of Seven of Nine, was thinking about right now. He was well aware
that some of the messages that the Voyager crew was receiving weren't exactly
what they'd hoped to hear, and from Janeway's somewhat stoic expression, he
suspected she was in that unfortunate category.  He took the cover off the tray
and set a bowl of stew closer to her side of the desk.  

"There are a lot of crewmen in the mess hall right now.   Tom suggested they
resurrect the resort program and move over to one of the holodecks, but the
crew liked Harry's idea better."

"What was that?"  Janeway took the proffered spoon and dipped it into the
steaming soup, perhaps she would be able to draw this conversation away from
the contents of her letter after all.

"Harry suggested they bake cookies and set up a card tournament.  Last I saw,
Harry was up to his elbows in dough."

Janeway smiled.  Harry Kim had proven himself to be not only an invaluable
member of the crew, but a real trooper when it came to dealing with troubled
crew members.   She had appreciated the time he'd taken to make sure Seven of
Nine was adjusting to becoming human again.   

 "Truth of the matter is,"  Neelix continued, "the party in the mess hall
reminded me of the times when I was little and would come home from school. 
Alixia would always be in the kitchen whipping up something to tide us over
until dinner time, and as the others got home..."  Now it was Neelix turn to
pause a moment, the sounds of his family's voices and laughter echoing hollowly
in his mind.  Those early years had been happy ones, but they seemed a million
years away.  They certainly weren't a part of this lifetime anymore.  

"I guess maybe that's part of the reason I enjoy being ship's cook so much," he
added, attempting to break the sudden silence that seemed to have loomed for
even more lifetimes around the room.

"You're good to let the crew into your kitchen, Neelix."  

Her voice was sure and sincere, and touched Neelix to his core.  He watched as
she dipped the spoon into the bowl.  "They are the only family I have.  I'm
always happy to do what I can."   His help to Voyager was neither a gift nor a
job.  It simply was.  This day was one he had been given.  Voyager was his
home.  And they were his family.  He'd had other family members that hadn't
been so lucky.  "I'm fortunate, Captain.  I've had two families in my lifetime.
I've seen a lot of love."  

For a second she thought that maybe if she could hold her breath and tense
every muscle in her face, she could erect a dam and stop the tears that had
suddenly filled her eyes.  But not only was it too late, she realized that she
had never had a chance, and what was worse, he wasn't even going to have to
offer his listening skills to her.  She was going to take them and she couldn't
stop herself.  

"It was from Mark.  My message," she added, realizing a tad late that she had
changed the subject somewhat abruptly.  "He's married."  She swiped at the
tears, trying to regain some sense of composure and orderliness in a life that
lately seemed more and more out of order.

"I'm sorry, Captain."  He sat down on the chair across from her desk.  In times
like this, he'd found that it was much better to just listen.  His sisters had
usually started conversations like this with him by instructing him to shut up
and go away.  He never did, and he wasn't going to now, even if the Captain
ordered him to.

"No."  The wet hand she was using wasn't doing much good at drying her face, 
and she switched, hoping against hope that she could pull herself back
together.  "It was what I wanted to hear."  Finally taking her hand from her
face, she looked across her desk at Neelix.  "It was the message I wanted to
get."

"Wanting and getting can be two different things, Captain."  Neelix leaned
forward and filled the cup that still sat on the tray, then pushed it across
the desk as he had done the bowl minutes earlier.  

That comment and gesture was too much like she knew Chakotay would make when
she finally got up the courage to have this conversation with him, and her
defenses awakened and jumped to readiness once more.  She eyed Neelix a moment,
then took a deep breath and continued.  "No, the hard part isn't the message
from Mark."  She pushed her chair back from the desk and stood up, looking down
at Neelix a moment before rounding the corner of her desk and heading in the
direction of her sofa, Neelix following closely behind her.  "The hard part is
being reminded that the Alpha Quadrant is still there, but we're no closer to
getting home.  The hard part is having Chakotay remind me over and over again
that Voyager is home."  Her hand strayed to her throat and she tugged at the
turtleneck that suddenly seemed all too constricting.  "The hard part," she
looked at Neelix, and he felt as if her eyes were burning into his very soul,
"is hearing you tell me about the family gathering in the kitchen to bake
cookies and play cards."

And then she gave him what Voyager crew members refered to as the 'Janeway
glare.'  Those who had experienced it, advised others to avoid it at all costs.

"Chakotay's right, Neelix.  Isn't he?"

Neelix matched her stance with his own.

"I don't know much about right or wrong.  I only know that I'm home right now."
Neelix stood firm.  "It doesn't keep me from missing those I've loved who
aren't here with me now, though, Captain.  Maybe I'll see them all again
someday.  Right now I'm going to head back down to the mess hall and see if I
can whip up some spiced cider to go with those cookies Harry is baking."   

Any reply she might have made was interrupted by the beep of her communicator.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Neelix eyes never left hers as she answered Chakotay's call.

"Seems the crew is throwing an impromptu get together in the mess hall,
Kathryn.  B'Elanna said something about cookies and cards.  Might be good for
morale if the Captain and Commander put in an appearance."  

Only a few moments earlier Neelix had reminded her of Chakotay, and now
Chakotay was beginning to sound like Neelix.  Maybe she had been alone too
long.  Neelix shook his head, and gave her arm an encouraging squeeze and was
rewarded with a smile.  Not just one that played at the corner of her mouth, a
full, wide smile.   When she smiled like that, she reminded Neelix of Alixia,
and it made his heart feel like it was so full of love, both for his old family
and his new one that it would burst.

"Meet me in my ready room, Chakotay?"

"I have to swing by stellar cartography, then I'll head on up."

Janeway closed the connection, then picked up the spoon and bowl Neelix had
given her earlier.  The smile he now sported had definitely changed from the
one he had worn into the room.  She liked this smile.  She liked them both, she
suddenly realized, finally taking a taste of the stew.  

"This is good," Janeway returned Neelix' smile, "kind of tastes like what mom
used to make in the winter time.  The fields would be covered with snow, and
we'd come home from school nearly frozen.  As soon as we'd come through the
back door, mom would stick a mug of hot chocolate in our hands.  I wasn't one
for sitting around the kitchen table though.  I always took my hot chocolate up
to my room where I could plunder through my homework in peace, but the smell of
the stew she'd have simmering would always make it up to my room and draw me
back down."

"I'm glad you like it."  Neelix patted his chest then started toward the door. 
"I guess I better get back down to the mess hall and make sure Harry hasn't
burned up the galley.  I'll see you there in a few minutes Captain."  

"Kathryn."

Neelix froze in his tracks, then turned slowly to face her once more, a tear
rolling down his cheek.

"Kathryn."  

His voice was hushed,  but the pride and love with which he accepted her gift
was unmistakable.   He might not know what tomorrow would bring, but he did
know that right now he was home.  And he had family he loved.  And he'd do
everything he could to help this this woman as she continued her journey.

The End

For other stories by Sr. Mary Kathryn visit:
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